The Power of “Despite”

Using “despite” to overcome mental hurdles and short-circuit egoism

I was speaking with an entrepreneur last night who was feeling stuck. She and her team have built a technology that has been shown to be effective in a series of trials. This early development was primarily grant-funded and self-funded. To create a thriving business, she knows she now needs to raise venture capital.

In our conversation, I learned that she believes deeply in her service’s capacity to improve patients’ lives, and she knows the next step she needs to take: email an identified list of investors asking for a meeting. But she is struggling to take that action, because she lacks the confidence to send such a direct email. “I’m just not the type of person who is comfortable asking someone to consider making a seven figure investment.”

I recommended the following 10-minute exercise — a recommendation I’ve now made enough times (and have been told that it helped enough times) to write it up and share here. To play along as you read, consider a place where you are similarly stuck: there’s a clear next action you could take, but cognitive or emotional barriers are in your way.

Step 1: In a box in the bottom half of a blank page, write all the thoughts and all the feelings you can remember having that have acted as barriers to action.

Tip: Try to write these as if you’re a skilled, dispassionate researcher of yourself — don’t beat yourself up as you do this activity, just try to get it most of it down.

Step 2. Write a S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timebound) goal in a box at the top of the page.

Tip: Take the “achievable” criterion seriously — most self-help gurus urge people to be inspirational with goals (E.g. “B-HAGs”). But when it comes to overcoming mental and emotional blocks, I suspect it’s more helpful to build momentum by experiencing the satisfaction of follow-through early.

Step 3: Write “DESPITE” in big letters in between the two boxes.

Step 4: Place the page somewhere you’ll see it each day until you achieve the SMART goal.

Why is “despite” effective?

First, “despite” validates the existence of feelings and thoughts without giving them power. Rather than trying to figure out how to correct them, “despite” allows us to take action alongside them. (And as it so happens, repeatedly taking action alongside our thoughts and emotions is what might be most effective in rewiring them.)

Second, “despite” can help short-circuit ego. Our society is too focused on both self-belief and self-doubt. While some forms of self-belief are egotistic, all forms of dwelling on self-belief and on self-doubt are egoistic. In the example of the entrepreneur above, “despite” isn’t trying to transform her self-doubt into self-belief; it is allowing her to take an action with less attention placed on the self.

Rafe is a visiting assistant professor of engineering (but really design thinking) at Dartmouth College’s Thayer School of Engineering. He also co-teaches courses for colleges’ young alumni on how to create lives with more joy and positive social impact. If you are interested in a course for your school’s alumni, please reach out: rsteinha (at) gmail (dot) com